The Refrigerator
“How'd the t.v. get broken?”
Leave it to Constable Benton Fraser to ask a question that I really don't want to answer right now.
“I had a bad morning,” I all but growled as I fell back on the couch. He was looking at me with one of those looks he has and I gave in.
“It all started with the refrigerator,” I started.
“The refrigerator?”
“Yeah, the refrigerator. You wanna hear this story or not?”
“I'm sorry please continue.”
So I did.
“Okay, so the refrigerator was giving me all sorts of problems. You know, things falling out and the door never staying open and always smacking me in the ass. So I slammed the door shut and threw a rock at it and --”
“Ray where did you get a rock?”
“I don't know, it was just sitting there next to the twinky on the counter.”
“Ah.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing my ass,” I muttered.
“What was that Ray?”
“Nothing, can I get back to my story?” He nodded. “Good.”
“Okay I threw the rock at the fridge and the handle came off. I tried to put it back on with some packing tape I found but it was getting stuck all over my hands. When I was trying to get it off, my elbow broke a vase that was on the table.”
“You have a vase?”
“No, I had a vase. Geez, don't look so surprised.”
“I'm sorry I just didn't know you owned a vase.”
“Well I did. Anyway I didn't know what I hit at first and when I turned around the fridge handle flew out of my hands, across the room and broke the t.v. See, all the refrigerators fault.”
Fraser just looked at me for a minute. “So what actually happened, Ray?”
I sighed. He doesn't miss anything.
“I mmm mmm...”
“What was that?”
“I said I tripped while trying to get my shirt on and walk at the same time and I fell on the t.v.”
“I see.”
“Hey! If the toaster wasn't acting up and being all complicated, then none of this would've happened.”
“I don't see how the toaster fits into this.”
“Well the toaster was making me angry, so I picked up this rock --”
“Is this the same rock?”
“Wha? Uh, yeah, whatever. I picked up the rock and...”